A Time for Us
Author: Orrymain
Category: Slash, Angst, Drama, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 6 - December 17, 2002
Spoilers: Fire and Water, Window of Opportunity
Size: 40kb; short story
Written: July 20, 2003 Revised: January 10,31, 2005,
May 5, September 9, 2006, February 22, May 11-13,15,27, 2007
Summary: When is enough, enough? That's the question Jack
and Daniel examine during their latest downtime from the SGC.
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were,
especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. A gal can
dream though!
Notes:
1) Jack and Daniel sometimes say things that have double
meanings. A simple “Jack” or “What are you doing?” could mean
much more than the words spoken and could carry multiple connotations,
including feelings, desires, fears, etc. These double meanings
are noted like this: “Actual spoken words” **(double
meaning)**
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~
in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~
3) Used with the author's permission, reference to Jack having taken
Daniel dancing is from Devra's magnificent work, “The Last Dance”
4) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: QuinGem, Linda,
Jodi, Melissa, Mair, Claudia!
A Time for Us
By Orrymain
SG-1's last mission was nothing especially worth noting, pretty much a
standard meet and greet: no Goa'uld to fight, no alien technology
they had to barter their souls for, and, most importantly, no lonely
natives to lust after Daniel, which pleased Jack greatly. Now,
the team had some downtime. For Jack and Daniel, that meant time
to relax and take care of things at the house.
Last night, the happy couple had made slow and tender love, and then,
this morning, had begun the new day with some serious making out before
being interrupted by a phone call from Mrs. Greenley, an elderly
neighbor, who needed some help with her plumbing. She had no one
else and was on a fixed income, so Jack had been her unofficial
handyman for years.
“I'll be back soon, Love,” Jack called out.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Daniel replied. “Besides, I have a lot
of things to do around here myself today.”
~I was hoping you'd 'do' me,~ Jack thought.
“Gawd, Jack, we've already done it twice in less than twelve hours, and
I'm sure we'll ... *do* it again tonight. Have a little
patience,” Daniel chastised in a slightly amused tone.
“You aren't gonna miss me as much as I already miss you,” Jack whined.
“Jack, Mrs. Greenley is expecting you. Go!”
“Meanie,” the older man groused.
Daniel rolled his eyes, turning around from his lover and walking away.
Growling and with a certain regret, Jack left his home to check out
Mrs. Greenley's pipes.
====
When Jack returned, Daniel was occupied doing their laundry. He
had four different piles of clothing in front of him, something Jack
just didn't understand, being the type to just throw everything in and
hit the 'start' button.
“Laundry? Can't it wait?” Jack asked.
“It's already waited a week longer than it should, Babe. If it
waits any longer, I'll be sockless and you'll be boxerless.”
“What's wrong with that?” Jack asked with a seductive smirk.
“No, Jack.”
“Well, you don't have to be so meticulous about it,” Jack complained as
he watched his lover sort their laundry.
“Love me, love my laundry technique.”
“If I must,” Jack teased, earning him a glare from his life
partner. He coughed, then said, “I'm gonna mow the lawn.”
“You do that, Jack,” Daniel said, still glaring as Jack left the garage.
Reluctantly, Jack busied himself by mowing the lawn. When that
was done, he pulled a few weeds, repaired a fence post, and replaced
one of the sprinkler heads, which had met its demise the last time he
had mowed the lawn, accidentally running over the item and causing it
to break. Smiling as he adjusted the new sprayer, the Air Force
colonel recalled how his preoccupation with getting Daniel back into
bed had been the reason for the destruction of the previous sprinkler
head.
~Oh, yeah! I wonder if a repeat of that would work.~ Jack
shook his head, thinking, ~Maybe later, when the laundry is done,~ he
growled.
Satisfied with the yard work and hoping his mind could stay focused
enough on the remainder of his downtime chores to not destroy anything
else, Jack expressed a silent chuckle, realizing that forcing himself
not to think of Daniel was more distracting than actually thinking
about his lover.
~If that was even possible, on both counts.~
When he went inside to grab a beer, Jack decided to check on his
soulmate, but couldn't find him in the garage or anywhere
downstairs. When he went upstairs, he noticed that the laundry
had been completely done and put away, the sheets had been replaced on
their bed, and even the bedroom furniture had been dusted.
“That's My Daniel, Mister Domestication,” Jack mused aloud.
On a hunch, Jack checked the front yard and discovered his domesticated
partner leaning over his car. The hood was open, Daniel's shirt
was off, and his derriere was wiggling an invitation that Jack was
eager to accept, especially since that was just about all he'd thought
about since SG-1 had been given their downtime.
~Sheer perfection, and all mine!~ Jack approached his lover, who
was swearing in one of the many languages he now spoke. ~Wonder
how many languages he knows now. It was twenty-three when we met,
must be at least forty by now.~
Jack was in awe of Daniel and counted himself very lucky, indeed.
Peeking around the street to make sure none of the neighbors were
outside, he maneuvered his way behind the younger man, sliding his arms
around his lover's waist and drawing him near.
~What the ...?~ Daniel jumped in response to the sudden contact
against his body. “Jack, don't do that!” he chastised as his
heart raced.
Jack retaliated by planting a long and devouring kiss on the startled
man and then coaxing him into the house.
“Jack, I really need to, uh ... well, to get this done,” Daniel said in
a half-hearted attempt to continue his automobile maintenance.
“It ... needs to, I mean, lube ... and ...” he muttered somewhat
incoherently.
The only lubricant Jack cared about was in the master bedroom, and
that's exactly where he steered his lover, saying, “The engine will
keep, Danny.”
====
After their mid-morning tryst into the heavens, Jack had run a few
errands, while Daniel finished the work on his car and did some
research on the internet. Sam had dropped by for a few minutes to
show off her latest revamped motorcycle, and then Daniel played
fireman, getting six-year-old Cindy Herndon's cat out of a tree.
Jack had arrived home just in time to witness the 'rescue', shaking his
head and uttering his usual, “Daniel, you never cease to amaze me with
your talents,” when his lover had walked over to greet him.
“Anyone could have done it,” the younger man claimed, lowering his head
as he glanced back over at Cindy, who was still holding her precious
cat tightly to her chest.
“Maybe,” Jack agreed as he smiled over in the direction of the girl and
her mother. “But not many would have,” he said softly.
Daniel smiled, and the two headed back for their house. Once
inside, Jack began to make inferences that he was ready for another
downtime tryst.
“Jack, is that all you think about?” Daniel laughed.
“No, there's that and ... Mary Steenburgen!”
As the two laughed, the phone rang. It was General Hammond,
wanting to confer with his second-in-command. The call took the
colonel out of Daniel's earshot for quite a while, allowing the
archaeologist to get several other chores done.
Eventually, Daniel determined he'd done enough work for the day and settled on the couch, deciding this was the day he was going to finish reading Toni Morrison's novel, “Sula.” It was the most recent selection of Oprah's current Book Club, and Teal'c was insisting that Daniel read it so they could discuss it.
~Jack never should have told Teal'c about Oprah,~ Daniel
chuckled. ~I think Teal'c has a crush on her.~
The Jaffa never missed Oprah, videotaping the show even when SG-1 was
off-world. Ever since Jack had joked about being on the talk show
as they left the Land of Light, Teal'c had become fascinated by Oprah
Winfrey. Now that the talk show host had brought back her book
club after a hiatus, Teal'c was even more obsessed. Daniel had
never been one to read a lot of fiction, but turning down an
intimidating Jaffa was not so easy to do.
As he turned to the chapter where he'd previously left off reading,
Daniel remembered how Teal'c had roped him into this latest Oprah
adventure.
//Flashback//
“You have something against reading this novel, DanielJackson?” Teal'c
asked stoically.
“No, of course not, Teal'c, it's just my time is so limited,” Daniel
replied, desperately trying to avoid his friend's intense stare.
“Perhaps it is Oprah you are displeased with?”
Daniel, for all his smarts, felt like a young child. He had no
clue how to explain that participating in Oprah's Book Club was not
exactly on his 'Top Ten Things to Do During My Downtime' list,
especially when what he did want to do involved his colonel, a couple
of silk ties, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Having noticed Teal'c
was still waiting for a response, Daniel squeaked onward.
“No, of course, not, but Jack, ... he, ah ...”
“So it is O'Neill that makes your time so limited? How does he do
this? I wish to understand, in detail, DanielJackson.”
Suddenly, Daniel tensed. While neither he nor Jack had told
Teal'c of their relationship, not wanting to place him in a difficult
situation, they suspected the Jaffa was aware of it. In fact,
looking at the man in front of him, the archaeologist was certain
Teal'c knew because he could see what he swore was a smirk on the
Chulakian's face, a smirk that said he knew perfectly well why Daniel's
time was so limited.
“I'll ... read the book, Teal'c,” Daniel stated, admitting his defeat.
“By the twentieth, DanielJackson, and then we will consume dinner and
discuss it as Oprah has requested.”
//End of Flashback//
Daniel had no choice but to do some intense speed reading because he
was only a few chapters into the book, and the twentieth was just
around the corner. Something always seemed to interfere, and that
something was a certain brown-eyed devil that filled his heart with joy
and turned his knees into Jell-O. Daniel had to finish the novel
in the next couple of days or explain to Teal'c just exactly how Jack
was making his time so limited. Just the thought of explaining
that “in detail” caused him to both shudder and blush at the same time.
When Jack returned from the study, where he'd been on the phone with
Hammond, Daniel was thoroughly engrossed in the novel, doing nothing
more than giving his lover a faint smile and nod to acknowledge his
return. It was the kind of look that told the older man he needed
to give his lover some time, or there would be no more 'playtime' for
the colonel.
Thus, Jack sighed and spent the next bit of time working on his
pottery, something he had learned during the time loop business a few
years before.
====
Some hours later, still unable to distract the very-absorbed linguist
from his reading, Jack eventually decided it was time to clean his
telescope and went up to the roof to do so. When he was done, he
sat there a while, pondering his luck in life to have a man as
beautiful and wonderful as Daniel as his partner.
Life was good. At the moment, it was also ridiculously slow, so
slow that Jack found himself with nothing of interest to do.
~Time to reclaim my archaeologist; watch out, Danny, here I come.~
With his mind made up, Jack returned to the living room and sat next to
his Love, putting his right arm around Daniel's shoulder and placing a
long line of tender kisses along his nape up to his earlobe.
“I love you, Angel,” Jack whispered in between kisses.
“I love you, too, Jack, but go away,” Daniel said without
flinching. His lover continued his affectionate assault until the
archaeologist moved slightly forward, turning his head towards his
aggressor and issuing a warning glare along with the words, “Back off,
Babe.”
Undaunted, Jack replied, “Danny, I'm bored. Let's go fishing!”
“Jack, don't be a loon. In the first place, we only have two days
off, of which three quarters of the day is already gone, and that's not
enough time to go to the cabin; and, in the second place, I'm in the
middle of a book which I intend to finish reading tonight. Now,
go away, and leave me alone,” Daniel ordered, his right arm out in
front of him with his fingers making a walking motion.
“But, Danny, I'm bored; I want to play,” Jack whined, reminding Daniel
of a five-year-old.
“Play?” Daniel questioned distractedly, trying to focus his attention
on the book and not his lover. “We're not kids.”
“Yes, play, and what I had in mind is definitely not child's play,”
Jack smirked seductively. “I have a few ideas. We could ...”
Daniel suddenly found himself being nibbled, kissed, and caressed by
his one-track-mind lover, which normally he wouldn't mind, but the
image of telling Teal'c why he hadn't finished the book kept circling
through his mind. Thus, he mustered up all the strength he could
to try and ignore the pleasure he was receiving through Jack's
attentions.
“Jack, stop it! We played, to use your terminology, all last
night, and again when you woke me up this morning, without even
bringing me a cup of coffee first, I might add, and then again just a
few hours ago. I'm all played out, at least until tonight after
dinner. Now ... go ... a...way!”
“Danny ...”
“Jack, just go! Go ... Jack, stop it! Go ... just ... go
... play with yourself.” Daniel was having a hard time getting
his lover to take the hint, the older man continuing to 'play' with the
linguist via as much kissing, nibbling, touching, and groping as he
could possibly get away with. “Jack!”
“Daniel, it's no fun without you. C'mon. We can watch a
hockey game on TV.”
“Hockey?” Daniel asked incredulously with an almost pained
expression. “You've totally lost your mind!”
“I'm bored, and I just want to be with you, that's all. I'm sorry
if that upsets you, or interrupts your important reading,” the older
man explained solemnly, his demeanor changing as he spoke.
It had begun as sort of a game, but Jack loved Daniel so much, and the
need to be with him was practically burning a hole through his
heart. He knew better, but a part of the colonel wondered if
maybe his partner wouldn't one day tire of him, especially if some old
novel could keep them apart.
Sensing Jack's distress, Daniel put his good intentions on hold for a
few minutes, and sighed, “C'mere, you ole softie,” as he cupped his
Love's face and brought him closer. Looking him deep in the eyes,
he said softly, “I love you, Jack, and you will always be first with
me.”
The younger man's comment was the beginning of some tacit reassurance
for the colonel, verification that Jack and Daniel were always and
forever.
A few minutes later, after some heavy making out which threatened
Daniel's resolve to finish the book, the archaeologist pulled back,
giving Jack one final long lip lock that left his silver-haired fox
looking like the guppy that he himself was so often accused of
imitating.
“That's all you're going to get for now. I *am* going to finish
this book, Jack. You can sit here with me, or go watch hockey, or
do whatever you want, but no nibbling, rubbing, petting, nuzzling, or
anything else, if you stay here.”
“But, Danny ...” **(Please)**
“No, Jack.” **(You are so pushing it, colonel of mine)**
Realizing a need for a sudden change of tactic, Jack remembered seeing
Daniel spending time on the computer in the study before they had gone
to bed the night before. He had another hunch.
Daniel had been putting in a lot of time working on his computer
diaries. At first, Jack didn't know why his soulmate was working
on such a project, but the cultural expert had finally explained it to
him, telling Jack that he was hoping that some day their experiences
could be an example to others, even though he still wasn't able to
explain exactly to whom. Daniel wanted to teach that labels only
hurt and that prejudice was the real sickness in the world.
//Flashback//
“I'm not really sure who, if anyone, will ever get to see it, Jack, but
it's something I have to do, as if by writing about us, I'm achieving
something,” Daniel began as he paced the living room, twiddling a
rubber band in his hands. “Sometimes, it feels like we're being
watched, like people are out there observing everything we do and can
magically see and hear us. There's a reason for this; something
I'm not sure that I understand, but I have to do it.” He paused,
stopping as he looked Jack in the eye. “It's crazy, I know.”
“Maybe,” Jack agreed cautiously as he tried to understand his lover's
emotions.
“Jack, I know how odd it is for me to be saying that one day I want
people to read my private thoughts. It's ... it's hard for me to
come to terms with someone else reading about us, about our intimate
thoughts and feelings.” Daniel took a deep breath, his eyes
focused on some faraway goal. Maybe it was too far away; maybe it
was idealistic, but, whatever it was, Daniel couldn't escape it.
“I'm ... I'm not even sure I can really do it, not ... not even sure
how I feel about ... I mean, I love you, Jack,” he professed shyly.
“We operate in secret, Danny. The odds on any of our missions
being declassified during our lifetime is pretty slim,” Jack replied.
“But not impossible,” Daniel refuted, his eyes expressing so clearly
how much he wanted to share their love. “It's not the missions,
Jack, it's ... us, who we are, what we are. They just ... they
just need to understand.”
In response to his lover's passion and confusion, Jack simply kissed
him and then responded, “You do what you have to do, Angel. I'm
with you all the way.” He saw his soulmate's beautiful smile and
the sparkling of the younger man's cerulean blue eyes, both causing his
heart to sing. “Whatever you want to do is fine by me. I'm
not ashamed of our love, or how we got to where we are, so you write
whatever you want. If you want me to read it, I'll do it happily;
if not, that's okay, too.”
//End of Flashback//
Jack smiled, recalling the pleased look on his true love's face.
His lover had wanted support, and Jack had given it. As he
returned to the here and now, he was certain Daniel had added more to
the diary. He also figured that this might be the best tactic to
get his way with his linguist ASAP.
“Daniel, have you written more in your computer diary?” Jack inquired
nonchalantly.
“Um, actually, yes, I did,” Daniel responded, looking up from his book.
“Can I read it?”
“I don't know, Babe. The last time you read one of the diary
entries, you freaked out over being my Studmuffin,” Daniel smirked.
Jack lightly chuckled, “No fair, Danny. I was just surprised
you'd write about that, that's all. I really want to read what
you wrote. Besides, if you let me read it, you can finish your
book in peace and quiet. I'll be distracted from my ...”
“Nibbling?”
“Yes, nibbling,” Jack chuckled mischievously. “Then again, I
could just keep ... <nibble> ... doing ... <kiss> ... this,
and we could ...”
Daniel was about to be lost to the sensations of Jack's touches and
kisses when he snapped back to reality. Jack was putting all his
efforts into sensually nibbling one of Daniel's most erogenous zones.
~Oh, geez. He's ... oh, Jack. Have to stop. Teal'c
will ... kill me. Dang book.~ “Jack!” **(I can't
concentrate when you do that.)**
“Daniel?” **(I know, which is why I'm doing it.)**
“Okay, you win. Let's go into the study, and I'll open the file
for you. Stop nibbling!” Daniel ordered desperately.
“You're no fun!” Jack said, mock pouting. ~On the contrary, you
bring joy to my life, Angel.~
Daniel made a motion for the two of them to get up off the couch, and
then he put the book down onto the coffee table. Jack's next
question, however, made him pause, a nervous anxiety springing forth
inside of him.
“So, what did you write about this time?” Jack inquired innocently.
The question made Daniel pause, a nervous anxiety springing forth
inside of him. He remained seated on the sofa, and since he didn't
move, neither did Jack.
~Okay, mood change,~ Jack observed, curious about the sudden shift in
his lover's demeanor.
“I ... I wrote about ...” Daniel sighed, suddenly unsure about having
Jack read the diary.
Jack had enjoyed reading his lover's account of their experience with
Tonane. Daniel sharing his private thoughts with him made Jack
feel a warmth he couldn't express. Still, if reading more of
these remembrances was going to make his lover uncomfortable, he wanted
no part of it.
“Danny, I won't read the diary if you really don't want me to,” the
older man spoke, his words calm and sincere.
Daniel rose and walked towards the sliding glass door facing the
backyard. Jack followed, staying just a foot or so behind him,
giving his lover a bit of space, which he sensed Daniel needed at the
moment.
After a minute of staring at the green grass, Daniel turned around,
wanting Jack to see the sincerity of what he was about to say.
“No, Jack, I want you to read it. It's supposed to be read.
I don't know when or by whom exactly, but there is a reason for all of
this rambling down memory lane, and ... Jack, if I can't share it with
you, who can I share it with?”
“I love you, Daniel,” Jack spoke softly, taking the younger man in his
arms for a moment, then moving apart just slightly to look into his
lover's precious blue eyes.
Jack could see Daniel's soul in those eyes. It was his personal
gauge to the health and well-being of this wonderful man with whom he
shared his life. He placed his left hand on Daniel's cheek,
gently rubbing his thumb across it. Daniel gave a small smile,
and Jack couldn't resist a brief kiss before continuing on. He
had to find out what was wrong.
“So, if you want me to read it, why are you upset?”
“I'm fine, Babe, really I am,” Daniel assured. “It's just, I
don't know, this is so important. They need to understand about
'us', that we're real and important and forever, but, sometimes, it's
hard to remember things that ... that ...”
“... that we'd rather forget? Or that live on in our nightmares?”
Jack guessed.
“Yeah, something like that,” the younger man admitted.
“So, what did you write about?”
“When I died ... the first time. I wrote about Nem and ... I love
you so much, Jack, but back then, on Oannes, it was still so far
away. We were so ... so ... oh, I don't know.” Daniel
sighed in exasperation at his inability to vocalize his feelings.
~And you call yourself a linguist, Jackson!~
“How about in denial?”
“Maybe. I was focused on Sha're, on getting her back, except ...”
Daniel trailed off again uncertainly.
“Danny?” Jack said worriedly, stroking his Angel's cheek.
“Just read it, okay. I'm not sure I was making much sense,
though.”
Daniel walked back towards the couch, staring blankly at the
long-forgotten novel sitting on the table. He knew his lover
wasn't going to let this go.
The younger man was so much better at communicating his thoughts -- his
hurts, his pains -- these days, especially since that dream the couple
had shared about his dying as the savior of Kelowna. Still, he
kept things inside sometimes, but only those most private thoughts and
fears, those which were buried deep in his heart. Some old habits
were hard to break.
“There's something else bothering you. What is it?” Jack
questioned, sitting down on the arm of the sofa in front of his
distressed lover.
“It's just ... I don't know. Jack, it's so important. I
want us to be free. I want people to see how much we love each
other and not think that we're freaks or strange or a couple of
abnormal rejects from society,” Daniel confided, unbidden tears
springing to his eyes.
“Daniel ...”
“I know. It's this hiding in plain sight business; it gets
tiring. I want to go dancing with you, Jack, and I don't mean at
some supper club where there's only men, though it was so special, and
I love you so much for taking me there and remembering, but I want to
go dancing, in mixed company.
“I want to walk hand-in-hand at the park, here in the Springs, not just
on vacation in San Francisco or when by some odd chance we're
off-world, alone, on some planet where our relationship is
accepted. I want us to joke over grocery choices at the
store. I want us to snuggle at the movies, and not be
afraid. I want to go to dinner parties as a couple and not as
best friends. I ... I want us to be able to entertain here, as
committed life partners, not like a friend who's helping out.
Gawd, it's so unfair!
“I want ... I want to love you, Jack, just love you. I want the
world to see us, and have that be okay without having to look around
the edges for the NID trying to get something to blackmail you with, or
without seeing mothers hiding their children because the 'gays' can't
keep their hands to themselves, or without being beaten up for doing
nothing more than breathing and wanting to be with the man whose heart
is my heart. I mean ... oh, I don't know what I mean ... I want
... it's just ...”
Jack couldn't take the distance any longer. He saw the tears
welling in Daniel's eyes, saw the sadness erupting within him, so he
took action, closing the space that had been between them. He
pulled his Love into a comforting embrace, and as he did so, Daniel's
tears somehow knew it was time to make their release, now that he was
safely in his beloved's arms.
Jack kissed Daniel's nape and made soothing motions with his hands on
the young man's back. Daniel cried sometimes, but never liked
doing so, and Jack's heart ached each and every time.
Jack continued to kiss and caress his lover, and then finally spoke
softly into his lover's ear, “Shhh, Danny. I know, and while I
can't fix the world, I can fix part of it, for you, and for 'us'.
I can retire. I'll do it, Daniel, right now, if you want me to.”
“You would?”
Daniel's voice had been so low, the question barely spoken, but Jack
knew the answer. It came without question, without
hesitation. Jack looked Daniel in the eyes, gently placed a kiss
onto his nose, smiled, and headed towards the kitchen counter where the
phone sat.
“Where are you going?” Daniel asked.
“To call Hammond and tell him I need to see him; then I'm going to type
up my letter of resignation.”
~What? Gawd, he's doing it. For me? I love him, but
...~ “Jack, wait. Don't.”
Daniel had followed his soulmate until Jack finally turned around, now
holding the phone in his hand. They stood, facing each other,
looking intently at the other, making sure they could read each other's
faces.
“Danny, everything you feel, I feel, and everything you want, I
want. Don't you know that?” Jack asked in earnest, needing to
reassure his soulmate and let him know he wasn't alone in his feelings.
“Yes, but ...”
“Daniel, I want to dance with you, too. The next wedding we go
to, I want you in my arms when the bride and groom lead their guests to
the dance floor. When we go shopping for Cassie's Christmas
present, I want the gift to be from Jack and Daniel, one gift, from her
uncles, her very together uncles, and she's old enough to know what
that means.
“I want us to go to O'Malleys and sit at our favorite table, and I want
to hold your hand as we wait for our dinner, not under the table,
Danny, but right there for everyone to see. I want the world to
see how much I love you, and that, for some reason I may never be able
to fathom, you're mine. 'Eat your hearts out, world, he's my
archaeologist' - it's what I want to shout to anyone who looks and
drools at you.
“I want it all as much as you do, so, yes, I'm going to retire, so we
can start that life of ours. No more hiding from the ignorant,
not any more.”
Daniel's heart was so full that he thought it might explode. His
lover, who hated words, had just spoken the sweetest, most beautiful
words he'd ever heard. His eyes were wet from the moisture of
love, but as much as he wanted to be selfish, he just couldn't.
“Jack, it's not time for that, yet, and you know it. I'm sorry, I
... I just got so wrapped up in wanting and wishing, but if we stop
now, and, you know when you retire, I'm out too; we've already
discussed that, and it's not negotiable, so when we do stop, it means
we leave knowing the Goa'uld are still out there. Anubis is still
out there. Sarah is still there, too, Jack. I ... I feel
responsible for that, even though I know I shouldn't ... and what about
Sam and Teal'c? Are you ready to let go of what we've got with
SG-1?”
Jack put the phone down and went back into the living room. He
wanted to make sure of his words. He needed Daniel to
understand. Running his hands through his silver-gray hair, he
collected his thoughts as the younger man waited patiently. Then
Jack turned and again closed the space between them. Reaching
out, he placed his hands on Daniel's waist and then leaned his forehead
against Daniel's as he began to speak.
“Danny, we can't do this forever. We can't be responsible for
every snake still on the loose. There'll always be someone out
there, and all we can do is keep the world safe for as long as we can
do it. At some point, though, we have to let it go.
“I know, that's a strange thing coming from the military guy here, but
I want more. Honestly, Daniel, we've both given up more than
anyone could ever ask to save the butts of the same people you were
talking about, the same ones who don't understand and probably don't
even want to.
“Most people don't want to listen; they can't, because they get caught
up in their own fears. They think we're different, and that
scares the living daylights out of them. We can't change those
people, Danny.
“I know what you're trying to do with your diaries on the computer,
and, frankly, I'm glad, because there are others out there who are not
prejudiced, only ignorant, and maybe we can get through to them.”
Jack paused, putting his left hand under Daniel's chin and lifting it
slightly upward to make sure Daniel would see his eyes as he continued
to talk.
“Maybe if we let them see that a retired, highly decorated USAF colonel
and a multiple PhD'd geek can be in love and happy and as married as
any traditional couple, then just maybe we can open their eyes a little
and make it easier for the next guys, if not for ourselves.”
Jack paused, still gazing into his Love's eyes, and then spoke,
“Regardless, we're entitled to a life. When is enough,
enough? You said it yourself. You wrote about the time you
died ... 'the first time'. Danny, that was already one time too
many.
“As for Carter and Teal'c, we'll always be a family, you know that, but
Carter's ready for the next challenge, and maybe a command will finally
get her to where she needs to be. She's come close to losing her
edge a few times because we are all so close. It's cost her, I
think, in terms of her capabilities, so I'm not so sure that leaving
now wouldn't be a good thing for her career.
“Teal'c, he can write his own ticket -- stay on with the SGC or go back
to Chulak. He's a warrior, Daniel, with years ahead of him, and
he'll never have to worry about growing gray hairs, either! So,
when is enough, enough? When do we finally get to think about
us? Answer me that.”
Daniel pulled away, the truth of Jack's words circling through his
mind. Jack was right. Yet, he couldn't help himself.
His lover had spoken so eloquently, expressed so many emotions, and
he'd done it intelligently, rationally, and lovingly. They both
wanted the same thing. Still, there was something inside of him
that was urging him to continue on, that there was more to be
accomplished at the SGC. He hated himself for that, but he just
couldn't run from it.
“Soon, but ... but not yet, Jack. We can't be that selfish,”
Daniel stated apologetically.
“Sarah?”
“Yes, but not only her. We need to find the lost city that was
written about on the tablet we found on Abydos, and we're close,
Jack. I feel it. I don't know why, but I do. Please,
Jack. Let's stay a little longer.”
Jack could never deny Daniel of something he wanted, not even this, at
least not yet.
“If that's what you want, we'll stay, but not forever, Daniel.
That lost city or whatever it turns out to be will probably open up a
whole new can of worms, and then what?”
Daniel suddenly smiled, not a small, shy one like Jack had seen
earlier, but that bright, happy, radiating one which always gave Jack's
stomach happy butterflies. It was Daniel who closed the space between
them this time.
The archaeologist gave his colonel a kiss, and answered, “Then, we do
what we can to make sure they are friendly worms, and then we ... we go
fishing.”
Jack laughed, passionately kissing the smiling man he now embraced, and
then challenged, “Friendly worms? Fishing? *We* go
fishing? Daniel, you must be coming down with something.
You never volunteer to go fishing with me.”
Grinning, the younger man answered, “I am now. I may be out of my
mind, but it seems like heaven to me. You fish, and I read, and
then we ... don't!”
“We don't? And what is it we ... don't?” Jack asked coyly.
“Well ... There's this ... <kiss> ... and this ... <nibble>
... and ...<bite> ... this ... <nuzzle> ... and ...
<big kiss> ...”
Jack was oh-so-willing to get with the program, but thought he should
at least make one attempt to get Daniel back on track, since both were
supposed to be reading. He was positive Daniel would whine about
it later, so this was a preemptive volley in that 'discussion' to come.
The military man's defense formed in his mind: “I tried to get
you to finish reading your book, Daniel, remember?” Yes, Jack had
it already planned. He'd be safe. Trying to speak while
Daniel was doing what he was currently doing wasn't easy, but Jack
pressed onward.
“Daniel? Uh, Love, I thought you wanted to finish your book?”
“What book?” Daniel asked absentmindedly, too involved in his current
task of unbuttoning his lover's shirt to have more than short-term
memory access.
“That one, there on the table, and I wanted to read your computer
diary,” Jack answered, thoroughly enjoying what was happening.
As Daniel was pulling off his lover's shirt, he responded, “I'll finish
the book later, and you were there, Jack, so you know what happened,
but if you want, I'll let you read it tonight. Right now, I'd
rather ... play ... with you.”
“Ah, play ...”
Jack let out a soft moan as Daniel kissed a particularly sensual spot
on his chest.
“... and nibble,” Daniel added, nibbling away at his lover.
“Nibbling is good,” Jack agreed happily.
Jack was beginning to lose brain power and found himself wondering why
they were still downstairs.
“... and?” That was it. With his lover's next touch against
his body, Jack could take no more. “Daniel, bedroom ... Now!”
“Lead on, Colonel!” Daniel said knowingly.
As the lovers hurried up the stairs, the younger man had a momentary
thought flare that he'd forgotten something important, something about
Jaffas, details, and potential embarrassment, but a few kisses later,
being entwined as one with the man he loved, Daniel figured whatever it
was couldn't have been very important. He'd have to ask Teal'c
about it tomorrow.
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