In the kitchen, Daniel just shook his head and groaned. ~Like we haven't seen this movie one-hundred times already.~ “Be right there, Jack.”
“Don't forget the beer.”
“Don't forget the beer,” Daniel mumbled to himself in a mocking tone. “I'll forget the beer if I want to.”
“Danny? What's taking so long?”
“I'll be right there, Jack.” ~Hold your horses. It's not like you won't see Miss Perfect without me being there.~
“DANIEL!”
“ALL RIGHT!”
Daniel carried in the six-pack of beer, tray of chips and dips, and a plate of finger sandwiches.
“You'd think I was a waiter and not an archaeologist,” he said as he carefully juggled the items, handing them off to Jack who placed them on the coffee table.
“Good. Come snuggle.”
~Yeah. Right. That'll last thirty seconds.~
Daniel compliantly took his spot next to Jack and was instantly aware when his lover's arm went around him.
~Thirty. Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight.~
Daniel began his count. He knew exactly how long it took for Mary Steenburgen to first appear on the screen, and that time was fast approaching.
~Twenty. Nineteen. Eighteen. Seventeen.~
The countdown continued, and he audibly sighed knowing that the moment the actress appeared on the screen, Jack would be gone ... until the movie ended.
~Six. Five. Four. Three.~
The young man prepared himself to become invisible. It was okay. He had lived most of his childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood as someone who was mostly invisible, and only last year, he had actually been invisible, thanks to the infamous skull found in an alien cavern.
~Two. One. Bye, Jack.~
Right on schedule, Jack's arm removed itself from Daniel's body as the Air Force Colonel leaned forward as if he could get a better look at the actress who now held his full attention.
“Isn't she beautiful? Love her. Now that's sex appeal, Daniel.”
~Sex appeal? Maybe, but I don't see her in OUR bed making you scream like there was no tomorrow. What am I? Don't answer that. I don't think I want to know.~ Daniel knew he didn't need to respond verbally to his lover's commentary. Jack wouldn't have heard him even if he did, so he simply continued to sulk silently.
“Look at that, Danny. She's so sassy. Class with ... sassapeal! Geez, I love that.”
~Gawd, eight hours of this. I may die.~
By a fluke as Daniel called it, or a miraculous gift as Jack deemed it, cable television were airing back to back to back films starring the brunette, and Jack was insisting they make a marathon night of it.
~Just the way I want to spend a Friday night. Eight freakin' hours.~
Daniel's lament continued as they watched “Cross Creek” which was the story of author Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. Steenburgen had the lead role about the author, best known for the novel, “The Yearling.”
Just for the heck of it, Daniel decided to talk to his lover as the movie progressed.
“Jack, I've decided to quit the Stargate program. I'm going to drastically change my life. You're right. I work too hard.”
“That you do, Danny. Look at Mary. Great hairdo there. Boy, that dress fits her well.”
“Right. I'm going to do something totally different, where I don't have to use my mind. Physical labor -- yeah, definitely ... physical.”
“Work is good. I bet Mary researched this role quite a bit.”
“I'm sure she did. So, I've decided to do something really wild.”
“Speaking of wild, look at the way she moves, tosses that little hairdo of hers around. Classy, sassy AND sexy, that's for sure.”
“As I was saying, I've decided to become a gigolo.”
“Just as long as it's honest work.”
“Oh, it's honest, and with a very high class cliental -- the Pentagon. Actually, I might just become a sex slave for Paul Davis. I start on Tuesday. What do you think?”
“Sounds great, Love. Whoa, what a move! She's so sultry, but does it in such a subtle way.”
Daniel shook his head and sighed. Not even a line about Paul Davis could shirk Jack when he was watching his precious Mary Steenburgen.
~Six more hours to go. I don't know what's worse -- being invisible or sitting through all the commercials!~
After that came the science fiction cult classic “Time after Time” which Jack loved, though he usually made cracks about Malcolm McDowell, the lead actor who married Steenburgen in real life, fathering two children with her. He had a cameo in “Cross Creek” as well, during which Jack always grumbled.
~Jealous, eh, Jack?~
Once again, Daniel decided to try conversation. ~Just for fun, not that he's listening, which, of course, he's not.~
“SG-2 came back from a checkup on P3R-636 last week. They brought me a message.”
“That's nice, Love. This is a great scene, Danny. That Englishman doesn't deserve her.”
“Yep. Shyla is lonely. She wants me to come back for a visit, said she wants to really get to know me this time.”
“Wow! I just can't get over how great Mary is in this role. It's one of her first, but she's like a veteran. Lucky dog -- the way she's looking at him.”
Daniel rolled his eyes and went on with his one-sided conversation.
“So, on second thought, I'll save Paul as my back-up plan, and I think I'm gonna go live with Shyla. After all, she is attractive, and she still needs a lot of help running the planet. Come to think of it, that beats being a sex slave. This way, I can be a ... king ... rule an entire planet! Yeah. Jack, I'm packing my bags and going to live with Shyla. We'll name our first born after you.”
“Thank you, Babe. This movie is a classic. Can't watch it enough.”
~Gawd, he's unreachable during these movies.~
The final film was “Melvin and Howard” during which Daniel once again heard the story about Steenburgen's Oscar win as Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal in the 1980 film.
~Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. If I wanted Oscars, I'd go eat a hot dog. Gawd, I sound like Jack. What the heck ... oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener ... NOOOOOO! I've become ... Jack!~
Daniel picked up the TV Guide that was sitting on the table and began to peruse the schedule.
~Two can play at this game, O'Neill. It just takes some planning, that's all, and since you don't even know I'm here, I have plenty of time to plan while Mary Steenburgen ... perfect Mary Steenburgen plays the ditsy ex-wife.~
As Jack carried on about Steenburgen, Daniel found what he was looking for. He'd have to wait until the following night, but it would work, and, he had to make sure Jack walked into the evening ... frustrated.
~I can do that. After all, I'm frustrated myself right now.~
Being fair and considerate, however, Daniel decided to give his soulmate one final chance. He turned his body at an angle and began to nibble on Jack's ear. His hand rubbed gently across the older man's chest, and then he moved in for a deep kiss, only Jack cut it short with a tender brush of their lips, saying, “Love you, Angel, but the movie's almost over. We can ... she's so funny. Did you see that?”
Daniel closed his eyes and moved back in defeat.
~I HATE Mary Steenburgen!~
He attempted to get up, but Jack pulled him down.
“Hey, no fair leaving. It's against the rules.”
“Whose rules?”
Jack shrugged, and then began rambling on again about Mary's comic talents and other “assets.”
“Now that was a fun evening!” Jack said when the credits rolled.
“Right. Fun,” Daniel responded sarcastically, though Jack missed or perhaps ignored the edge to Daniel's tone.
“Hey, Beautiful, you had an idea a while ago. Let's go upstairs and carry it out.”
Daniel smiled, as if about to go along, but then he yawned, raising his arms way up over his head.
“Sorry, Love, I'm exhausted. I think I'll just go to sleep.”
Daniel stood up, stretching some more, enough to make his lover gulp from the desire burning through him.
“Danny,” Jack stood and walked to the younger man, pulling him close, “I love you.”
“I love you, too, but ... <yawn> ... it's time for bed. We've been sitting on that sofa for eight hours, Babe. I'm exhausted. Good night.”
Daniel stunned Jack by giving him a quick, nearly chaste kiss on the lips and walking upstairs. Quickly, Jack cleaned up anything that couldn't wait for morning, and then turned off the lights and made sure the house was locked up. He ventured upstairs, certain he could change Daniel's mind, only when he walked in, the lights were already out.
Daniel had put on his pajamas and was under the sheets. His right hand latched onto the pillow his head rested on, keeping it close. He was on his left side and, from what Jack could tell, he was actually asleep.
Jack was deflated, in more ways than one. He prepared for bed quietly, though covertly looking for signs that his lover might be awake after all, but spotting none, he climbed into bed, spooned up against Daniel, his right arm hanging over the younger man as he nuzzled in close. Still, with no reaction from Daniel, Jack sighed and eventually went to sleep.
====
The next day, Jack and Daniel went about their business at the SGC. They had one joint meeting together that lasted a mere twenty minutes which was way too short in Jack's opinion. He wanted to gaze at his lover and contemplate the evening he had planned for the both of them, but unfortunately for him, the get-together was only a quick “catch-up” on where various teams or departments were on various projects.
Otherwise, Daniel had managed to successfully avoid the Air Force Colonel for most of the day. He had arranged for three separate meetings with his archaeology and anthropology staffs, and even tossed in a training session with other linguists. No one was close to Daniel's expertise, so he was working diligently on teaching various other team members Goa'uld and other languages he thought might be helpful as they reconnoitered planets. He was only able to teach them the basics of a few, but that was better than nothing.
Jack had dropped by the office a few times when Daniel was present, and they bantered a bit, just enough to make Jack long for more, and then the younger man always found something to do or somewhere to go. He would make his apologies and then get on with whatever the “excuse” was for the moment. Daniel did it all so well, and everything was so believable, that Jack didn't have a clue that his lover had manipulated the entire day to ensure they spent as little time together as possible.
By the time they were headed home in Daniel's Silver Fox, Jack was hungering desperately for his lover. He knew exactly what he was going to do, right down to the last detail ... or he thought he did until Daniel pulled into the parking lot for the grocery store.
“We need supplies, Babe.”
“Supplies?”
“Yeah, we're having a very special movie marathon tonight.”
“Movie? Daniel, I don't want ...” but Jack's words were cut off as Daniel exited the sporty car.
“You coming?” Daniel asked, walking towards the store.
“I wish I was,” Jack mumbled, getting out of the car and jogging to catch up to his eager-to-shop lover. “Danny, what do you mean, a movie marathon?”
“You'll see. I've been wanting to watch these films for quite a while. I'm really excited that they are on ... back to back.” Daniel emphasized the last three words. “You'll have a great time. Lots of popcorn and junk food to fill up that stomach of yours.”
Jack frowned as Daniel grabbed a cart.
“Are you implying I'm fat?”
“Of course not. Why on Earth would you think that?”
Jack shrugged and moved to keep pace with his lover who seemed to know exactly what he wanted.
“There we go,” Daniel said with pride fifteen minutes later. “These goodies should keep you, I mean us, satisfied while the movies are on.”
They headed for the checkout stands, Jack still clueless as to what the movies were, and he remained that way, with Daniel evading any questions about the specifics. He wanted to keep it a surprise, so that Jack's frustration would build with each minute.
~Paybacks. As you would say, Love -- Sweet!~
====
“Jack, don't forget the peanuts,” Daniel chimed from his seat on the sofa. ~This is going to be fun. Now, he'll learn what it's been like for me for the past four years.~
In the kitchen, Jack grumbled, muttering to himself, “How the heck did I get into this situation anyway?”
“Hurry it up, Babe, only two minutes. You don't want to miss the beginning of the movie.”
“For crying out loud, Daniel, I don't even know what the movie is yet.”
Daniel chuckled from his seat as he waited, and finally, Jack entered the living room, handing Daniel the trays of chocolates, chips, peanuts, sandwiches, and popcorn.
“Jack, you forgot the Pepsi!”
“Pepsi?”
“Yes, hurry!”
Grumbling again, Jack ran in and returned with the ice cold beverage, taking his seat next to his lover just as the movie came on. Jack looked on, wondering what he was going to have sit through.
“The American President” appeared on the TV screen.
“Politics, Danny?”
“For Annette, I'd watch anything, and it's a love story, Jack. You know -- about two people IN LOVE with each other.”
That's when Jack realized he was in for eight hours of Annette Bening movies, Daniel's comment totally going over his head.
“Annette Bening? Now, Funicello I could understand, but Annette Bening?”
“Shush, Jack. She's about to have her first scene.”
“Since when do you like Annette Bening?”
“Shhh!”
Jack was slightly aggravated, but figured he could distract his lover soon, so he waited.
“I love this scene. I'd love to share a Virginia ham with her!”
“Daniel, I repeat, when did this ... fascination with Annette start?”
“I've always liked her, Love. I've just kept her to myself, but I know we share everything, so finally decided to share Annette, too. Isn't she hot?”
“Hot?” Jack asked in disbelief, his eyebrows arching.
“Yes, hot. Are you blind or something?”
“Daniel ...”
“Quiet. Another good scene coming up.”
“I wish I was coming up ... and you for that matter.”
“What, Babe?”
“Nothing,” Jack said with a sigh.
Daniel worked hard not to laugh. Everything was going as planned. His lover was hating every moment of the movie night, and it had only just begun.
~I should have thought of this years ago.~ “Jack, hand me another sandwich, okay?”
Jack handed his lover the sandwich he wanted and then watched Daniel eat it as if he were having an orgy. Timed perfectly with the entrance of Annette Bening on screen, he moaned, licked, and flicked away at his sandwich. His partner was totally stunned.
Actually, the movie itself was one Jack liked, and he hadn't seen it in a while so he let the movie play out, deciding to try his strategic distraction plan during the next film.
The second movie on Daniel's agenda was “Regarding Henry.” Jack sighed. It was a double whammy because Daniel liked Harrison Ford, too, and Harrison portrayed Bening's husband in this one.
Jack attempted logic. He needed to know what was so wonderful about Annette Bening, so he asked his partner exactly that.
“Jack? I thought you were good at observation? Look at her, for crying out loud,” Daniel said, purposely mimicking his lover's patented phrase. “She's intelligent, perky, cute as a button, and she must really know how to satisfy a man.”
“Satisfy a man? Daniel!”
“What?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“What is what supposed to mean?”
“That she knows how to satisfy a man.”
“She married Warren Beatty, didn't she? Mister Playboy, second only to Hugh Hefner ... and they have three kids. In fact, I think she's pregnant again. Now, she must know what she's doing and is GOOD at it!” Daniel paused, waiting a minute for effect before adding, “Mary only has two children, and she's divorced from the husband she had them with.”
Jack looked at his lover incredulously.
“What the blazes does Mary Steenburgen have to do with Annette Bening?”
“Nothing, Love. I just think MINE is hotter and better than yours, that's all.”
“Oh, you do, do you? Well, I'll ...”
Just then Jack felt the palm of Daniel's left hand cover his mouth.
“This is where they make love for the first time after Henry's been shot. I don't want to miss it. Wonder what that would be like. Pretty bold, touching her like that, but definitely ... exciting.”
Daniel was having a great time. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jack seething.
~You're so easy, Jack, but if it gets you to tone down this infatuation with Mary Steenburgen, it'll be worth it.~
Jack was so busy seething about Daniel's salivating over Bening and Ford making love that he forgot his game plan, and had to delay it until the third film was in progress.
The last movie of their marathon was “Love Affair” which co-starred Beatty. Daniel was “oohing” and tearful through it, in keeping with the events of the film. Jack knew it was now or never.
He shifted and, as he began to kiss the side of Daniel's neck, he slid his hand into Daniel's pants. He was about to grab hold of the much-desired object when he felt his hand being swiftly pulled out and then swatted.
~Swatted?~
“Jack, cut it out. I ... <sniffle> ... want to see this. It's so sad.”
Jack leaned back, rolling his eyes.
~Eight friggin' hours of Annette Bening. I've sat here and listened to him rant and rave about Annette Bening for eight FRIGGIN' hours.~
Finally, Jack's torment ended, and he was ready for his reward, but before he could start anything, Daniel stood up and began to clean the area.
“Danny, what are you doing?”
“Well, for starters, I'm going to put this stuff away, and then clean a little because after last night and tonight, it's a bit of a mess out here.”
“And then?”
Daniel yawned, but instead of saying he was tired and going to bed, he said, “Then I think I'll get on the lap top and search the web for information on Annette.” He turned, carrying items into the kitchen, and nonchalantly added, “Maybe find some photographs to print out.”
“PHOTOGRAPHS?” Jack stood and practically ran into the kitchen. “Okay, that's it. You are NOT printing out photographs of that ... that ...”
“Actress?” Daniel asked, trying to help Jack out.
“That ... Jezebel!”
“Jezebel? Jack, calm down.”
As he returned to the living room to continue his chore, Daniel was in near hysterics, desperately trying to suppress his laughter to not giveaway the game too soon.
“She's married, and the mother of three and one-half children. You ... you have no business printing out photos of her.”
“You have pictures of Mary Steenburgen,” Daniel said, facing his loving squarely in the face, “What's good for the goose is good for the gander.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind. It sounded better in my brain,” Daniel said as he cleaned the coffee table.
“Daniel, let's go to bed,” Jack reached over, taking the cloth his lover was using.
“Oh, thanks. You finish this. I'll vacuum.”
“Daniel ...”
“I'm not doing anything, Jack, until we clean up this mess.”
Ten minutes later, the area was clean enough to pass Daniel's inspection.
“So,” Jack took his lover in his arms, ready and eager for their first kiss in way-too-many hours, “let's go to bed.”
He started to inch closer to Daniel's mouth when the young man pulled back.
“Oh, I just remembered. 'Mars Attacks!' is on. I can't believe I forgot about it.”
“Daniel, we are NOT watching another movie with that ... woman in it.”
“We aren't?”
“NO!”
“Why not? I think she's incredibly talented and ... spunky, and we both know I love spunk. Sha're was spunky.”
“Daniel, please don't tell me you're comparing that actress to Sha're.”
“Of course not, but ... Sha're was spunky, Jack. I think that's what ...” he trailed off, walking over to look at his fish.
Suddenly, somehow, their conversation of playful banter slash argument had just taken a serious turn.
Jack walked over to Daniel and put his arms around the younger man. He rested his chin on Daniel's shoulder.
“You miss her?”
“Sure, I do. She was beautiful and smart and ... spunky.” Daniel turned around and put his arms around the older man's neck. “Jack, this isn't about Sha're, and I hope ... I mean, you do know ... gawd, you have to know by now ...”
“Hey, I love you, Danny. I know, but, as you've told me before, that doesn't mean you don't think about her sometimes.”
“Sometimes. I wish she had had a chance to find someone who could make her feel the way you make me feel. That's what I wish more than anything ... for her.”
Jack pulled Daniel in for a tender embrace. He sighed, then kissed the side of Daniel's neck.
“At least I know Sara is married. It does help.”
Daniel pulled out of the hug, his hands now in front of him, the palms on Jack's chest.
“Jack, I need to tell you something, and it has nothing to do with Sha're or Sara. I'm not ... it's not anything weird. I mean, when I mentioned spunky as an adjective for Annette, I did think of Sha're because that was one of her attributes, too, but tonight has nothing to do with her.”
“Okay. I'm listening.”
Jack prepared himself to hear something incredibly awful. He didn't know what, but Daniel seemed so serious. Still, he knew their love was true, and together, they'd survive any challenge.
“Jack?”
“Yes?”
“If I ever see another movie with Mary Steenburgen again, it'll be too soon.” He backed away, walking towards the sofa as he continued, “I'm sick and tired of hearing about Mary Steenburgen. I don't want to hear her name. I don't want to see her picture.“ The young man's voice raised yet again, ”I don't want to hear about her freakin' Oscar. I don't want to be ignored while you drool over her ever again!”
“Is that what this ... Beningathon was all about?”
“Yes.”
Jack grinned, asking, “You don't really like her?”
“She's a good actress. As far as I know, she's intelligent and able to mix career and family. She seems nice enough, but ... Jack, you know me. I can't say I'm a big fan of anyone except maybe ...”
“Harrison Ford,” Jack said confidently.
Daniel shrugged, admitting, “It was those 'Star Wars' movies. Loved Han Solo.”
“I've never understood that, Danny. I figured it would be the 'Indiana Jones' movies that would capture your brain.”
“My brain, maybe, but my imagination went up into space with Han and Luke.”
“And Princess Leia. You and princesses.”
“Don't start, Jack.”
Jack laughed as he closed in on his lover, once again taking him into his arms.
“So, I've been ... overdoing it with the Mary Steenburgen stuff?”
“Jack, overdoing it is an understatement. You downright ignore me when one of her movies is on. I'm as invisible to you as I was because of the crystal skull. You insist I suffer through those movies, but you act like I'm not there. I don't like that. If you want me to watch WITH you, then let me BE with you.”
“So, you decided to give me a taste of my own medicine tonight?”
“Paybacks. You always say 'don't get mad, get even' so that's what I did.”
“Ah, Angel. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I like Mary Steenburgen, but I love you, and there's no contest.”
“It's not like we haven't sat through all those movies several times each. It would be different if it was a first time, or even a second ... or even if it was just your favorite movie of hers, but neither of those was.”
“You're right, and I'm sorry.”
“Are you?”
Jack nodded as he answered, “I hereby trade in my fan club card.”
“No, that's not what I want. Jack, you can still enjoy her talents. I'll ... even watch all those movies with you. Just ... don't ignore me, and don't go ballistic. All things in moderation, remember?”
“I understand, Danny. I really do.”
“Good, because ... gawd, I miss you. Two days. Two freakin' days.”
Slowly, the two lovers finally joined together as one for a long, deep kiss that had both hungry for more.
“Bed?” Jack asked.
“Bed,” Daniel answered, adding, “Oh, and for this, Babe, forget the thing about moderation. It's not valid in our bed.”
Jack grinned as he kissed his lover again. “Mary is hereby on moderation, but you, my love, I can never get enough of, and I'm about to prove it.”
“You're on!”
“You got that right.”
The two hurried upstairs, thoughts of actresses, hot or otherwise, pushed to the back of their minds. All they cared about now was making up for sixteen lost hours.
====
“General Hammond? ... Sorry, Sir, but no, I won't be in today ... Why? Well, it's a matter of time ... I know that doesn't make sense, but you see it's also about moderation, and I didn't moderate myself so I lost time and then I had to make up for time, and I'm still doing that, General, and as a result I'm afraid I'm just not UP for work at the SGC. It's personal, Sir -- highly personal.”
“Not up for work?” Daniel asked, a smile on his face.
“At the SGC, Love, but I'm totally UP for work here.”
“Oh, that's good,” Daniel said, leaning over Jack's naked body to pick up the phone for his own call to the base.
He waited for Hammond to answer the phone.
“Good Morning, General, this is ... oh, you know ... and you were expecting my call? ... oh, I see ... yes, well, I don't really know what Jack is up to, but if you like, I'll see if I can find out. ... Not a problem at all, Sir. Seeing what Jack is up to is always interesting, to say the least ... That's correct, General Hammond -- tomorrow. Thank you, Sir.”
“You little ...”
“Little? I am NOT little. See,” Daniel turned over.
“Oh yeah, and it's all mine.”
Jack forgot about whatever else he was going to tease his lover about and went ahead with his main course -- feasting on the younger man.
“Oh yeah, you are UP for the challenge,” Daniel said just as he lost control.
“It's all about the lack of moderation in all the right places,” Jack said as he worked his soulmate.
Together, Jack and Daniel were happy in their nation of two, and on this day anyway, they would spend it in bed. Both knew they needed better explanations for the General tomorrow, but they had twenty-four hours to think of something. Well, they'd give at least thirty minute's thought to it before going to work the next day. In retrospect, they figured they'd be too busy being up with each other to think much about why they weren't at the SGC ... and that's just how they liked it.
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